If I’m being honest, in the moment today that inspired this post…I used a different word that starts with “F”.
In the immortal words of William Shakespeare:
“What hath happenedeth twas…”
So I’m driving down the road this morning. I was already in a bit of a touchy mood because my dog (in the car) saw another dog (on the street) and 100% LOST HIS FREAKING MIND!!! Clawed me, deafened me with the barking…it was great. But anywho, after that I pull down this little street that runs parallel to Main Street and misses all the stop lights.
The important thing to note about this street is that there is parallel parking on one side for the full length of the road, and I’m thinking it was an after thought because a two lane road without the parallelaly parked cars would have been just wide enough. Basically, driving past the parked cars when a car is coming toward you is a test of your strength. The speed limit on this road is 25 which I believe to be self-explanatory.
I was passing the last parked car and looked in my rear view mirror to check on the dog, and I notice the man in the car behind me. He is throwing his hands in the air, rolling his eyes, and obviously saying something really sweet. I start to get upset and stop myself, thinking, “Maybe he has someone on speaker phone in the car.” By this time he and I have made it to the end of the street. There is a sign at the end of this street that is bright red, has…eight sides maybe, and has an acronym on it “S.T.O.P.” I thought it was the word “Stop”, but apparently it actually stands for “Slowing Totally Optional Pinhead”.
I have just come to a complete stop and am starting to look both ways (like my mama taught me) when the honking horn sounds behind me. The laying down on the horn begins.
That’s when I said that other word about the man behind me.
Let me walk you through what happens in my head when things like this happen on the road and I react like this:
“You faithful idiot. If you wanna die that’s on you. I’m not a bad driver. Was I going to slow? Maybe I was going to slow. I’m such an idiot. And I can’t believe I said that! I learned so much in my quiet time with God this morning. I’ve let Him down yet again. I am such a failure!”
Talk about 0-50 back to 0 and down to -438. It was exhausting!
And now I’m wondering if sometimes God sends the hard thing and the devil brings candy.
In my daily reading today, I was reading Matthew’s description of the crucifixion. Here’s what caught my attention:
“Just then, as Pilate was presiding over the tribunal, his wife sent him an urgent message: ‘Don’t harm that holy man, for I suffered a horrible nightmare last night about him!'” -Matthew 27:19, TPT
Now, I’ve heard this verse before and thought, “Dang Pilate! Why you didn’t listen to yo wife for?!?!” But think about it…if Pilate had heeded his wife, the act that brought salvation to us all would have been stopped. Obviously, God’s will is always accomplished, but just go with me here. I would have said that Pilate’s wife was on our side…but she wasn’t. Maybe that nightmare wasn’t from God. Maybe that nightmare was from Satan in a last ditch effort attempt to stop the greatest gift of all from being given.
In this situation, the thing that looked horrible, the thing that looked like death on a cross…that was the God thing. And the thing that looked like salvation, the thing that looked life an innocent life saved…that was the wrong thing.
So maybe this day, that has gotten worse since I started writing this, maybe this day is from God. Maybe it’s a gift. This is the point when I should make it super spiritual and explain how. But I’m still figuring it out. Just don’t even have any idea what it was all for. But I’m here. And I’m expectant. And whatever you’ve got Lord…
Let it be.