Hello one and all! I am so excited to be starting a new week, and I look forward to seeing what God has in store! Why don’t you leave me a comment on this post letting me know what God has been teaching you recently. It is so important that we stay connected as a family of believers so let’s get started right here! While you’re thinking about that, let me talk to you for a few minutes about three things from my week.
You probably should’ve already figured this out on some level, but I’m slightly obsessed with coffee. I’ve got a Keurig, I’ve got a French Press, two pour overs, a moka pot, two espresso machines, and I just really enjoy making coffee, trying new beans and experimenting with espresso to attempt new creations. There’s been a lot of talk in my life and in my heart recently about getting away from the things that distract you from God. Coffee is a thing that is not necessarily an act of worship (although it is for me), but I can whole-heartedly say that it is something that doesn’t distract me from God; it doesn’t get in between me and the things that connect me to God. It actually enhances those things. If you’ve never read the Bible while enjoying a fresh latte (no flavored syrup added) then you just don’t know!
I love to fish. And last year, I got a kayak. But I didn’t get it until September and even though I used it A LOT before it got too cold, this is the first time I’ve had a kayak for a whole summer! I went fishing Saturday at a new little body of water I found near my home and, well…it was probably in the top three worst days of my life! I lost two lures in the first 10 minutes of being on the water, had to untangle the line on my new reel about fifty times, and dropped my favorite Kobalt multi tool in the water in the deepest part of the lake. I came home after only three hours on the water.
For the sake of transparency, I should say, that much like Jonah I was on my boat running from an epiphany God had laid on my heart. Well…He got my attention. Which brings us to…
This one is on my mind and heart today for a few reasons. First of all, the story with fishing. I don’t intend to ever be one of those people who dances around like they’ve got their life together. I have learned however, that doesn’t keep people from assuming it’s the case. People assume because you blog, and finish a book on fear, and lead a Bible study you wrote yourself, and lead online devotions that you’ve got it all together. Hear this: at my absolute very, very best on my closest-to-perfect day…I’m doing okay. I have been blessed with talent, I have been gifted with unemployment and so I have the time to work on all these things, but I struggle daily with feelings of rejection and failure and inferiority because of what I think life is supposed to look like for someone my age. That’s what God needed to get at yesterday on the lake and it cost me two crank baits and a multi-tool. Beware of the thought that someone has it all together.
But I would also caution you against assuming someone is doing okay. My dear, sweet cousin posted a picture today of her and her father. She was tiny when the picture was taken, and not much older when her dad died. The caption simply read “Happy Father’s Day daddy! I love and miss you every single day”.
It’s never far from the surface, and moving forward is not the same as doing okay. You have to keep moving forward because the world doesn’t stop for you. However, I have, on more than one occasion, had people I love say it’s nice to see I’m doing okay or that it’s obvious that mom and I are doing okay and this has cut me to the quick. I’m not doing okay. A part of me has been wrecked since November 7th 2016 and that part of me will be wrecked until the day I die. One of my all-time favorite TV shows is “Castle”. And in the show there is a tough girl cop whose mother was murdered when she was younger. In an episode dealing with a girl whose mother was the episode’s victim, Castle asks the girl cop, Kate, if the other girl will be okay. Kate responds:
“No. But one day she’ll wake up and discover she doesn’t mind carrying it around with her anymore.”
I’m not doing okay. My mom isn’t doing okay. My cousin isn’t doing okay. Her brother isn’t doing okay. Her mom isn’t doing okay. But one day, we realize we don’t mind carrying that around with us anymore. We quit wondering if we’re doing okay and we just go back to living life. Gotta. And suddenly…there are two sets of footprints in the sand again.