I Feel a Little Different.

Last night, I heard a fabulous speaker. His name was Steven James and he talked to us about the border. Not the Mexican cuisine restaurant, but a particular passage of Scripture.

“And when they had come up to Mysia, they attempted to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them.” -Acts 16:7, ESV

Everyone was moved. Everyone was inspired. I went back to my hotel room, wept openly, and entered into an existential crisis.I don’t know about you, but I really love messages like this. Step to the border! Take your promised land! Stand on the rock! Resist the devil and he will flee! And I think people tend to hear these messages and have a particular border/rock/devil they’re thinking of and that is why messages like this are so powerful. They have a very obvious picture of what they’re running from.

I however, operate a little differently. My brain goes to places that no other human brain would dare to go; it just does NOT go to the normal human brain places. Usually, I really love that; other times it backfires. Like last night…like this message. You see, I have a serious problem with stepping to the border.

I do not know where the border is. What the border is.

I have always struggled with this when people speak so adamantly about moving forward, taking strides, and setting out. I don’t know where to go. And maybe God wants me to just go, but I don’t even know which direction to stumble blindly in.

This is all compounded by a playlist Satan has put together in my mind that he just loves to listen to: “You Don’t Have a Job”. Being confused is a pain; being confused also doesn’t pay very well AT ALL!!! So how can I afford to step to the border when I can’t afford to go to McDonald’s and get a value meal or buy myself a tank of gas?

I stopped in the middle of this post to hear another speaker. And listen to God laugh a little bit. Because even as I was all awash with this emotion of whatness I heard a man named Alton Gansky speak on doing just one thing.

It seems to come as a shock to me that God would be okay with me doing something that I like. That God would want me using my gifts. Why does that come as a surprise? I don’t know…why do I like to walk slowly and barefoot through puddles in parking lots. But God does want me to be okay with doing what I like and God does want me using my gifts. So just…like…you know…do it.

Just…like…you know…
Be His.

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